When No One's Watching

I love it when the clients are gone.

They could be the kindest, most grateful clients in the world (they almost always are; I’m picky about who I work with), but there’s something freeing about working with no one looking.

Maybe it goes back to the feeling of having the house to myself as a kid. A freedom I still feel now as an adult, minus the pretending to be Luke Skywalker or Rocky Balboa. As most introverts will tell you, with no one watching, I feel more like myself.

It’s not that I can’t work when people are around. I like interacting with the world. But there’s a slight but noticeable drop in pressure when the clients leave. Just a little less self-consciousness. And in creative work, that can be enough to change everything.

That’s how it feels with writing, too.

I know not many people read this blog. That’s part of what I like about it. It feels private, even though it isn’t. I can say what I actually think without worrying about an audience.

I’m moving this blog to Substack. I’ll be trying to grow an audience. And I’m worried that self-consciousness will creep in. I’m worried that I’ll start editing myself while I write. That I’ll freeze up wondering how each post will be received.

Maybe I will.

Maybe that’s something I’ll have to learn to work through.

Maybe that’s the trade-off.